That Woman Drives Me Nuts!

I'm sorry, but I just had to get that off my chest. It's been bothering me for years. It was a semi-secret. The Husband knew that she got under my skin, but, since she is kind of a national icon, I've been reluctant to say it publicly. However, last night was the last straw.

It was the typical Friday night. We walked down to our favorite local restaurant, The Blue Pacific. While The Husband was otherwise absorbed watching the NC2A B-ball Tournie, I was scrounging around for something to read. The choices were limited: the business and sports sections of the local paper or The Magazine. Since I'm not partial to stock quotes or game averages, I was left with The Magazine. This was just awful! Normally, I spend Friday's chatting with Judy while The Husband watches the game and chats with Bob and Corkie. But, Judy was home sick that night and I was left with only The Magazine. Oh, Judy, Judy, Judy, how could you leave me like this?

The woman drives me nuts and here I am left with nothing to entertain me but her magazine. Oh, you want to know who she is? The woman who drives me nuts is, none other than, Martha Stewart.

As just an average female who works a 9 to 5 job Monday through Friday, takes care of a house and husband, and still has to find time to develop new recipes and write this little column twice a month, Ms. Stewart's perfection rubs me the wrong way. Everyone knows how perfect she is. It's common public knowledge. Except in a current TV ad, have you every seen her with morning hair? No! Shoot even in this ad, she's perfect. Here she is late for work and feels bad about not making her bed.

The straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was an article about potatoes in The Magazine. I was first treated to about 200 words on the origin of potatoes (Peruvian mountainsides), its "real" name (Solanum tuberosum), some of colors they come in (white, gold, pink, purple, "even candy stripes", etc.), and how they taste (nutty, rich, buttery). Just when I get interested, they throw the curve. I can't get these wonderful potatoes at my local market. So, the rest of the 3 page fully illustrated article tells me how to cultivate them myself. Right! I'm going to dig up half my yard (18 inches deep), mix in dehydrated cow manure, plant my little "seed" potatoes that must be available everywhere since the article doesn't tell where to order these exotic potato starts, irrigate them regularly, spray the plants with insecticidal soap, and wait 55 days to harvest my first crop. Sounds like an awful lot of work to me. Considering that I can get potatoes 5 pounds for a buck at the local grocer's, these potatoes better taste like filet mignon or lobster.

While I find it difficult to believe that Martha actually tilled in the composted cow manure and organic fertilizer into the soil, I do believe that, while the rest of humanity stores their potatoes in paper sacks or shallow open-sided crates, Martha uses large crockery mixing bowls. But, remember she's perfect.

Cheesy Potato Ham Casserole
Serves 6.

4 cups red potatoes -- cut into 1/2" cubes
2 cups ham -- cut into 1/2" cubes
1 cup frozen peas -- thawed and drained
1/2 cup red onion -- finely chopped
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1/4 cup milk
salt -- to taste
pepper -- to taste

Combine soup and milk and mix until smooth. Place potatoes, ham, frozen peas, and red onion in a bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Add soup mixture. Mix until all pieces are well coated. Pour into a greased casserole dish. Cover with foil. Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 30 minutes. Remove foil. Test potatoes for doneness. Return to oven and continue to bake uncovered until potatoes are done and cheese sauce has a thick consistency.

Potato and Spinach Lasagna
Serves 6.

6 small red potatoes -- thinly sliced
1 package frozen spinach -- thawed and drained
1 cup red onion -- finely chopped
1 cup mushrooms -- finely chopped
1 teaspoon olive oil
16 ounces ricotta cheese
3 cloves garlic -- crushed
1 tablespoon rosemary
1/2 can cream of mushroom soup
1/4 cup milk
salt -- to taste
pepper -- to taste

Wash the red potatoes thoroughly. Do not peel. Thinly slice the potatoes - the thinner the better. Sauté onion and mushrooms in olive oil until onions are translucent. Cool. Thaw the frozen spinach and squeeze out moisture. Add spinach to onion mixture and mix well. Add crushed garlic and rosemary to ricotta cheese and mix well. Mix mushroom soup and milk until smooth.

In a well greased deep casserole, place 1/3 of the potatoes bottom of dish. Carefully spread/press 1/3 of cheese mixture on top of potatoes. Cover with 1/3 of spinach mixture. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Repeat for two more layers. Pour soup mixture over top layer of spinach. Using a knife or spoon pull layers gently away from side of casserole dish allowing soup to flow down sides of dish.

Bake covered in a preheated 375 degree oven for 45 minutes. Remove foil. Check potatoes for doneness. Return to oven and continue to bake until potatoes are done and top is lightly browned.