A Different Saint

There are somethings that I will never understand. For instance, why does unleaded gas costs more than leaded gas since gas initially doesn't have lead and they have to add it to get leaded gas; why does 5 pounds of candy make you gain more than 5 pounds; why does the stock market go up when more people are out of work; oh, and why do they dye the Chicago River green for St. Patrick's Day? If you have ever been to the City of Big Shoulders, you would know that the river is always green (granted not a Kelly green, but green none the less).

This leads me to the topic of St. Patrick's Day. Most people think that March 17th commemorates St. Patrick's elimination of snakes from Ireland. However, recent investigation shows that, in truth, St. Patrick's great and noble deed was driving the Norwegians out of Ireland.

It seems that, centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norway winters. Ireland was having a famine at the time and food was quite scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing but potatoes.

St. Patrick, taking matters into his own hands like most Irish do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians). Members of IRATRION sabotaged all power plants in hopes the fish in the Norwegians' refrigerators would spoil, forcing the Norwegians to a colder climate where their fish would keep.

The fish spoiled all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows to this day, thrive on spoiled fish.

Faced with failure, the Irish snuck into the Norwegians' fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian intruders. But, as everyone knows, this is how lutefisk was introduced to the Norwegians, and they thrive on this lye-soaked, smelly fish.

Matters became even worse for the Irish when the Norwegians started taking over the potato crop. The Irish decided to foil the Norwegians by shredding all their potatoes. But, as we know, the ingenious Norwegians used the shredded potatoes to make lefse.

Poor St. Pat was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to go to HELL!. And it worked. All the Norwegians left Ireland and moved to Minnesota.

Now, this may not be totally true, but it IS totally unoriginal. I have my fellow Lutherans to thank for the story. Likewise, as one of the few Americans who can not claim any Irish ancestry, these St. Patrick's Day recipes come from my friends, The Donovan's, who can make the claim on both sides.

Corned Beef and Cabbage

Serves 6.

2 pounds corned beef brisket

7 small onion -- peeled and quartered

3 cloves garlic -- crushed

6 medium carrots -- peeled and halved

3 large new potatoes -- washed and quartered

1 medium head of cabbage -- cut into 6 wedges

Buy a corned beef that comes sealed in a plastic bag and includes a seasoning packet. Unwrap corned beef and place in a Dutch oven or heavy bottomed pot with a lid. Add enough cold water to cover the corned beef. Add seasoning packet, one peeled and quartered onion, and the crushed garlic. Bring pot to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and let this simmer for about 2 hours.

Remove corned beef. Remove and discard onion and garlic. Skim fat from broth in pot. Return corned beef to pan. Add remaining onions, the carrots, and potatoes. Cover and simmer for another 20 minutes. Remove corned beef and keep it warm. Add cabbage. Bring pot back to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for about 15 to 20 minutes. Dinner is done when the vegetables are fork-tender.

Slice corned beef and place on a warmed platter. Scoop out vegetables and place around sliced corned beef on the platter. Pour remaining broth into a gravy boat. Serve with a crusty bread and sweet butter.